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DesignZ by DeDe

Live Life * Tell the Story

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life

Family Tree TuesdayZ | Times of Struggle


My Journaling:

I’m going to be very vulnerable today and share a particular hard time in my life, a definite time of struggle. I’ve talked about this with others, but I don’t believe that I have ever written it down, so maybe its time. This memory is definitely a time when I didn’t know if I would make it through, but I did and I’m still here and I’m so grateful that I am.

The teen years are tough for everyone. It’s a time where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. Unfortunately, when you mix that with everyone else’s emotions and feelings, it becomes a mess. When I was in seventh and eighth grades, I experienced an extreme amount of bullying and torment from my classmates. It was everyday and as I didn’t grow up with great communication in my home, I didn’t know how to talk about it and I kept most of it inside. I felt very trapped and very, very lonely. I definitely became a “victim” and I had that total mentality. It took a toll on my self-esteem that has lasted my whole life (I’m working on it, but its still hard to get past and I still struggle with it).

In seventh grade, I got a perm and my hair was big and curly and it was a mess and I think that is why I became known as “the rat” to my classmates. I come from a very small town where there was no middle school/jr. high and so our high school hosted 7th-12th grades. Coming into a new school is never easy, but when you come into the school and your first week you are made fun of not only by students of your own age, but all ages, including the seniors at the school, it is very devastating to your confidence and self-esteem. It felt like I could never have any relief at all, from school and extra-curricular activities, I was tormented constantly. I would go home and just go into my room and shut the door and cry. I didn’t talk to anyone for the longest time. I shut myself off from the world. I would do my homework and go to church and church activities and if I was at home, I was in my room reading and getting lost in someone else’s problems rather than my own. I know that I became more and more depressed everyday. I don’t know the date or even an approximate time but somewhere in that time period, I started thinking of killing myself. I just wanted some kind of relief and I began to think that since no one would even be sad that I was gone, that maybe it was the right thing to do. I’m sure that I was really oblivious to people who reached out to me at this time but I had completely shut myself off. I know that I had people who loved me – friends and family and I’m sure some of them knew what was going on, but I didn’t talk about it, so I’m not sure who actually knew. I’m pretty sure that my own parents had no idea. I do know that some people who I thought were my friends, were a part of the bullying (or at least didn’t stop it). But there were a couple of friends (my lifelong friends) that I’m sure were there the whole time, but for a long time I didn’t share my burden.

Anyways, I remember a particular night, where I was home alone (I actually have no idea where my family was) and I began thinking about suicide. It was definitely my all time low moment. I didn’t really even know what I was going to do, but I remember feeling like it was time. And then the phone rang and it was good friend, Beverly. I don’t remember what she said or anything, but I remember leaving the house and going to her home. I remember sitting outside on her driveway and just basically exploding on her, everything that I had been feeling and just everything came out. We cried and I remember just feelings so blessed that Bev just listened and hugged me and cried WITH ME. Things were so much better after that. She stood up for me lots of times and it was just so nice to be able to just talk to her about how I was feeling. The bullying didn’t stop and it was still difficult everyday, but just knowing that I had someone to talk to, helped me get past the suicidal thoughts, I didn’t think about that at all anymore. That was definitely a turning point for me. I still struggled, but a little self-worth came back to me that night – enough to get me through.

It is still so hard for me to get away from playing “the victim” and having self-confidence in my life, but I do feel like I am getting closer as I work towards healing myself. A lot of this time period, is such a blur to me – I remember some moments, but there was a lot that I have completely blocked out. But I do remember how it felt and I hope my children never have to feel that way. I know that I have been able to talk about this experience with my kids when they were struggling and it just is such a blessing to have someone care about you. I hope that we can all look out for people who could use a friend, because it truly means everything to someone who is in need of that – actually, it is everything to everyone, because we all need friends in our lives.

 

This prompt could mean many things, it wouldn’t have to be suicide, just times of struggle. So I hope you will take a moment today to stop and reflect and share your experience in your journal. You never know when someone in your family might need your strength and guidance through the experiences that you have.


I have a journal card for you today. I want you to just write about a time in your life when you struggled, you didn’t know if you would make it, but you won! You are here and you did make it through it – how amazing is that!

DOWNLOAD LINK



Journal prompts, Journal CardZ, and other ideas
to help you tell YOUR story and discover your family history!

Tuesdays

Filed Under: Blog Series, Family Tree TuesdayZ, Personal Tagged With: experience, family, family tree, journal, journal prompt, life, memories, memory, prompt, story, struggle, struggles, time

Wednesday WordZ | Grow Through Life

{ This week’s saying }
Don’t Go through Life
Grow Through Life

 

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Wednesday WordZ

Every Wednesday

Filed Under: Blog Series, Freebies, Wednesday WordZ, WordArt Tagged With: grow, life, quote, saying, wordart

Life 2009 | Pixar Play Parade

I am finally getting some scrapbooking done. It has really been fun to plan out some pages.  In the excitement of planning our December Disneyland Trip – I felt the need to go back and start scrapbooking our big family trip to Southern California in 2009.  Yes, I never got around to completing those pages.  So now, I am!

Pixar Play Parade | March 27, 2009
Much of our week was spent as individual families, but today all of the Sorensen Family watched the Pixar Parade together. It was so fun to watch JJ & Beth, as the Pixar characters are some of their favorites!

Here’s the layout I did:
Pixar Play Parade Layout by DeDe Smith
I used the Project Mouse Collection by Britt-ish Designs & Sahlin Studio.

Filed Under: Disney, Layouts, Life 365-2009, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2009, disney, disneyland, layout, life, pixar

Family History TuesdayZ | I Couldn’t Live Without…

Journal Prompt: I couldn't live without...

Journal Prompt: I couldn’t live without…Journal Prompt: I couldn't live without...

My Journaling:
I couldn’t live without the gospel. I’m so blessed to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and to have a testimony that it’s true. To know that I have a Heavenly Father and an older brother Jesus Christ, who hear me and understand me and are always there for me. To know that my family can be together forever.  These truths are so important to me and make up a huge part of my belief system. Without that, I don’t know how I could survive.



Family History TuesdayZEach Tuesday, I am going to be offering prompts or ideas. If you don’t write in your journal regularly – I am going to encourage you to write just ONCE A WEEK and answer the question/idea that I give on Tuesdays. These ideas hopefully will spark a memory and you will be able to capture that in what you write/record so that it can be left for your children/grandchildren/family/friends. Give as much detail as you can when answering.

Will you do this for me? Will you do this for your families? You can write it down in a journal, you can type it up on a computer or journaling software, you can take a recorder and talk, you can videotape your answers, you can even scrap a page with the journaling. It doesn’t matter how you do this – it’s just important that you do it. The memories, the dates, the information is the only real thing we can leave to our families when we are gone.

Filed Under: Family Tree TuesdayZ, I'm LDS, Personal Tagged With: beliefs, journal, lds, life, live, prompt

Life 2012 | Friends

Beth is such a social butterfly. She loves playing with her friends. She is always asking for playdates and talking about her friends at school. I don’t arrange playdates very often because it always seems like such a hassle with how busy it gets, but I really should do it more often. Beth loves to be with her friends.

Beth finally got to have her friend, Natalia over for a little while. They had a picnic and played outside. I think they had a great time. The next week, Beth got to go to Natalia’s house and they had a tea party and made cupcakes.

playdate1 playdate2

Filed Under: Life 2012, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2012, friends, life, memories, picnic, play

Life 2012 | No more Magic…

So on Monday, we were at our “vacation home” (that’s what my kids call our timeshare) – and I was in the kitchen but I could hear the kids whispering back and forth to each other. I wondered what was going on, but I figured I would find out soon enough.

A few minutes later, Beth came up to me, looking very serious. As usual, JJ was tagging along behind, and was just fine with Beth doing the talking. Beth said, “Mom, is the Easter Bunny real?”

I said, “What do you think?”

She said, “Well, I think he’s not.”

I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and saw how serious she was about it and there was sadness there and I just couldn’t lie to her. “No, Princess, he’s not real.”

JJ piped in, “I knew that.”

I gave Beth a hug and she asked one more question, “Santa isn’t real either, is he?”

I said, “No, I’m sorry.”

Beth said quietly, “So you and Dad are the ones who give us presents?”

“Yes, we are.” I looked at both of my kids, “Are you guys okay?”

“I just wish they were real,” Beth said.

“I know sweetheart, me too.”

I gave them one more hug and that was it. They both seem okay with it and I think it went over better than I thought it would.

I’m actually kind of sad that “the magic” is over. It will be different now. I remember when I found out – I was 10 when my friends told me and I was so disappointed. I feel like “the magic” came back after I had kids. Of course we have always focused on the true meanings – The birth and the resurrection of the Savior – but still the other parts were fun too. I guess my kids are just growing up and its just way too fast for me.

When did you discover the secret?

Filed Under: Life 2012, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2012, believe, easter bunny, kids, life, magic, memories, parenthood, sad, santa, secret

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I'm a wife, a mom, a blogger, a lover of crafting, and a graphic designer. I believe in living life to the fullest, sharing your heart and talents to enrich the lives of others, and then telling your story to leave as a legacy for those that come after you.



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Recipe ThursdayZ | Chickey Pasta

This week’s recipe  |  CHICKEY PASTA A delicious pasta dish that is light and yummy! The chicken pieces are heaven – in fact, you could just make the chicken and use as homemade chicken nuggets! Chickey Pasta Save Recipe Print Recipe My Recipes My Lists My Calendar Ingredients2 lb boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into[Read More…]

DeDe Smith

I am DeDe Smith of DesignZ by DeDe and I’m the proud creator of the TearZ, ScatterZ, and many more collections! I am a Digital Scrapbook Designer. I specialize on creating digital kits that help customers scrapbook the special moments in their lives. I hope that you can use my products to share your story[Read More…]

Jolly Holiday Surprise Adventure | First Magic Moments LO

I am so thankful that I started writing some of my memories down about this trip on the blog, because I think there is a lot I could have missed! I’m so thankful to not forget these stories! I didn’t write everything down, so from now on this album might not be as detailed, but[Read More…]

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