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DesignZ by DeDe

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memories

Family Tree TuesdayZ | Times of Struggle


My Journaling:

I’m going to be very vulnerable today and share a particular hard time in my life, a definite time of struggle. I’ve talked about this with others, but I don’t believe that I have ever written it down, so maybe its time. This memory is definitely a time when I didn’t know if I would make it through, but I did and I’m still here and I’m so grateful that I am.

The teen years are tough for everyone. It’s a time where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. Unfortunately, when you mix that with everyone else’s emotions and feelings, it becomes a mess. When I was in seventh and eighth grades, I experienced an extreme amount of bullying and torment from my classmates. It was everyday and as I didn’t grow up with great communication in my home, I didn’t know how to talk about it and I kept most of it inside. I felt very trapped and very, very lonely. I definitely became a “victim” and I had that total mentality. It took a toll on my self-esteem that has lasted my whole life (I’m working on it, but its still hard to get past and I still struggle with it).

In seventh grade, I got a perm and my hair was big and curly and it was a mess and I think that is why I became known as “the rat” to my classmates. I come from a very small town where there was no middle school/jr. high and so our high school hosted 7th-12th grades. Coming into a new school is never easy, but when you come into the school and your first week you are made fun of not only by students of your own age, but all ages, including the seniors at the school, it is very devastating to your confidence and self-esteem. It felt like I could never have any relief at all, from school and extra-curricular activities, I was tormented constantly. I would go home and just go into my room and shut the door and cry. I didn’t talk to anyone for the longest time. I shut myself off from the world. I would do my homework and go to church and church activities and if I was at home, I was in my room reading and getting lost in someone else’s problems rather than my own. I know that I became more and more depressed everyday. I don’t know the date or even an approximate time but somewhere in that time period, I started thinking of killing myself. I just wanted some kind of relief and I began to think that since no one would even be sad that I was gone, that maybe it was the right thing to do. I’m sure that I was really oblivious to people who reached out to me at this time but I had completely shut myself off. I know that I had people who loved me – friends and family and I’m sure some of them knew what was going on, but I didn’t talk about it, so I’m not sure who actually knew. I’m pretty sure that my own parents had no idea. I do know that some people who I thought were my friends, were a part of the bullying (or at least didn’t stop it). But there were a couple of friends (my lifelong friends) that I’m sure were there the whole time, but for a long time I didn’t share my burden.

Anyways, I remember a particular night, where I was home alone (I actually have no idea where my family was) and I began thinking about suicide. It was definitely my all time low moment. I didn’t really even know what I was going to do, but I remember feeling like it was time. And then the phone rang and it was good friend, Beverly. I don’t remember what she said or anything, but I remember leaving the house and going to her home. I remember sitting outside on her driveway and just basically exploding on her, everything that I had been feeling and just everything came out. We cried and I remember just feelings so blessed that Bev just listened and hugged me and cried WITH ME. Things were so much better after that. She stood up for me lots of times and it was just so nice to be able to just talk to her about how I was feeling. The bullying didn’t stop and it was still difficult everyday, but just knowing that I had someone to talk to, helped me get past the suicidal thoughts, I didn’t think about that at all anymore. That was definitely a turning point for me. I still struggled, but a little self-worth came back to me that night – enough to get me through.

It is still so hard for me to get away from playing “the victim” and having self-confidence in my life, but I do feel like I am getting closer as I work towards healing myself. A lot of this time period, is such a blur to me – I remember some moments, but there was a lot that I have completely blocked out. But I do remember how it felt and I hope my children never have to feel that way. I know that I have been able to talk about this experience with my kids when they were struggling and it just is such a blessing to have someone care about you. I hope that we can all look out for people who could use a friend, because it truly means everything to someone who is in need of that – actually, it is everything to everyone, because we all need friends in our lives.

 

This prompt could mean many things, it wouldn’t have to be suicide, just times of struggle. So I hope you will take a moment today to stop and reflect and share your experience in your journal. You never know when someone in your family might need your strength and guidance through the experiences that you have.


I have a journal card for you today. I want you to just write about a time in your life when you struggled, you didn’t know if you would make it, but you won! You are here and you did make it through it – how amazing is that!

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Journal prompts, Journal CardZ, and other ideas
to help you tell YOUR story and discover your family history!

Tuesdays

Filed Under: Blog Series, Family Tree TuesdayZ, Personal Tagged With: experience, family, family tree, journal, journal prompt, life, memories, memory, prompt, story, struggle, struggles, time

Jolly Holiday Surprise Adventure | Cover

Jolly Holiday Adventure 2014 | Cover by DeDe Smith

For the last month or so, I have been on an interesting journey of discovery about myself. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for several years and it has zapped all the creativity out of me. But I have found myself wanting to dig myself out of this hole that I have been in and I have been actually having fun creatively again and that is an amazing breakthrough.  I have discovered that I get burned out when I try to do just one kind of creative thing.  But if I do a little of blogging, a little scrapbook designing, a little crocheting, a little bit of wood crafts, and a little of graphic design, etc, I find myself being exhilarated by the things that I am creating and it makes all of my other creative projects better. I have been dabbing it a lot of different things lately and I am finding success and JOY again and it is making my life so much happier.  I’m so excited about transferring my blog over to WordPress and I’m excited about reformatting my posts and making everything so much more organized and better. I’m excited to blog again. I’m excited to design again. And I’m excited to SCRAPBOOK AGAIN! I have been making plans and getting organized and I have a lot to do and a long ways to go on my blog redesign, but I’m working on it and I’m excited about how its going.

One of the plans, is that Thursdays are my actual day to scrapbook pages. I’m so excited to finally be scrapbooking my family’s Disneyland 2014 trip. I haven’t actually scrapbooked in a long time and it feels really good. This trip was truly amazing and the highlight of our family adventures.  So today, I only scrapbooked the cover of this album, but I love it already. It’s so good to re-live this great moment in my family and to HAVE FUN creatively again!

Jolly Holiday Adventure 2014 | Cover by DeDe SmithI used my Happily Ever AfterZ: True LoveZ Kiss and the Project Mouse Kits by Britt-ish Designs & Sahlin Studio 



 jollyholidayheaderI’m so excited to share my family’s magical Christmas adventure of 2014 with you!
To see all the postings in this series go HERE.

Filed Under: Disney, Featured, Jolly Holiday Surprise Adventure, Layouts, Life 2014, Personal Tagged With: adventure, creative, disney, disneyland, family, fun, joy, layout, memories, moment, personal, scrapbook

Jolly Holiday Surprise Adventure | The Surprise – Part 3

THE SURPRISE – Part 3
December 6, 2014


The kids were so excited about going on a plane. I have to admit that I was pretty excited myself. I’ve always enjoyed flying and I hadn’t been on a plane since before the kids were born!

 A look at our plane before boarding….
plane
 
The plane was really crowded and there were some other families on board, obviously heading to Disneyland – I was so afraid that the kids would guess where we were going. But we were able to distract them with watching tv and looking out the window! One of my favorite things about flying is seeing the clouds so up and personal!
 
plane_dedebethplane_beth
plane_jjtv
plane_jjwindowplane_clouds
 
It was an easy flight and it went by quickly and before I knew it we were landing in Long Beach, CA. 
 
plane_lgb
 
While we waited for our baggage, we went ahead and started the next part of our storybook:

 After getting our baggage, we went out to wait for our shuttle (“Blue”). As we were waiting, we decided it was the perfect time to reveal the secret, so we read the final page of our storybook: 

 It was an amazing exciting moment. After all of the planning and waiting, we finally got to tell the kids we were going to DISNEYLAND! It couldn’t have been more perfect! The kids excitedly chatted about Disneyland and the book and it was so great to see the happiness in their faces! I couldn’t stop a few tears of joy from trickling down my face – we did it! It was a dream come true to do this for my kids and for me. 
 
And it was only the beginning…
 
airport_dadkids
airport_momkids
airport_kids
 
The Adventure Continues in another post…
 


 jollyholidayheaderI’m so excited to share my family’s magical Christmas adventure of 2014 with you!
To see all the postings in this series go HERE.

Filed Under: Disney, Jolly Holiday Surprise Adventure, Personal Tagged With: airport, disney, disneyland, memories, moments, personal, plane, planning, storybook, surprise, traveling, trip, vacation

Life 2014 | Back to the Books

A new school year is upon us and I can’t believe its time to go back to school already.  I feel so unprepared, but I am looking forward to getting back to a regular routine and the new adventures that this school year brings to us!

 

J.J. has the amazing opportunity to go to a new school this year. Spectrum Academy has a brand new campus in Pleasant Grove and its all for kids on the Autism Spectrum.  I was so nervous about sending J.J. off to middle school (7th grade), but after he got accepted into SA, I was relieved. It is still a little nerve racking and I think it’s going to be a hard year, but much better now that I know he will be getting what he needs with the right teachers and programs. It’s all new for him with having a locker and going to different classes during the day. I hope he progresses this year. His new advisory teacher is Mr. Phelps and he seems like a great guy.

Beth is off to Spring Creek Elementary again as a 4th grader. She has Ms. Rossiter as her teacher and when she heard that her teacher is all about reading, art, and music – she was so excited!  All three of the things she really enjoys! I think its going to be a really fun year for her. 

– August 19, 2014 –

Here’s the layout I did:
back2school2014_web
 I used my School YearZ and a freebie template from Britt-ish Designs 

Filed Under: Layouts, Life 2014, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2014, autism, back to school, layout, memories, school, spectrum academy

Life 2014 | Melanie

My cousin, Melanie Baker suffered for many years with cancer and passed away on January 18, 2014. I was able to go to her funeral on January 23rd with my parents and brother, Cody. It was a celebration of her good life, but of course, we are all sad that she isn’t here on earth with us anymore.

Melanie was so kind and loved everyone. She loved all things Disney and it was a big part of who she was.  I will never forget being with her and the whole Baker Family in 2009, when we went to Disneyland. Melanie planned it for us and it was such a great trip. Even though, she was several years older than me and we actually didn’t get to see that side of the family that often, I still felt a little close to her and I’m so grateful she was my cousin. I’m so happy that she is out of pain and I’m sure she has a great mission in store for her on the other side.Until we meet again, Melanie!

Here’s the layout I did:
melanie_web
I used my Believe in the Magic and a template from Simple Scrapper

Filed Under: Layouts, Life 2014, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2014, cancer, cousin, disney, family, funeral, layout, melanie, memories, personal

Life 2014 | Exploring Indian Ruins

Beth is fascinated with different cultures and history, especially with the American Indians. It actually runs in the family, coming from Grandpa Sorensen. Growing up, Grandpa always took his kids to Indian ruins and special historic places. So, for Beth’s Birthday trip, she really wanted to go see Indian Ruins and Drawings.  Grandpa obliged her and took us on two days of adventures near Orderville. We hiked and saw lots of Indian Drawings on cliff walls, we hunted arrowheads and pottery, and we even hiked down to see awesome Indian ruins! Beth’s cousin Whitnee joined us for one day and we had a lot of fun hiking and playing in the dirt. We also roasted hot dogs and just enjoyed being together. Beth will remember this forever!

Here’s the layout I did:
bethindianruins2014
I used “Fill’er Up Templates 3” by Britt-ish Designs, “Tribal Neutrals” by Grepic, “Shadow Spirits” by Zais Digital Scrapbook, “Wood Tribal Papers” by Baer Design Studio, and “American Indian” by Roxanne Buchholz

Filed Under: Layouts, Life 2014, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2014, american indian, family, history, indian, indian ruins, layout, memories, ruins

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I'm a wife, a mom, a blogger, a lover of crafting, and a graphic designer. I believe in living life to the fullest, sharing your heart and talents to enrich the lives of others, and then telling your story to leave as a legacy for those that come after you.



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