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Live Life * Tell the Story

You are here: Home / Archives for memory

memory

Family Tree TuesdayZ | Times of Struggle


My Journaling:

I’m going to be very vulnerable today and share a particular hard time in my life, a definite time of struggle. I’ve talked about this with others, but I don’t believe that I have ever written it down, so maybe its time. This memory is definitely a time when I didn’t know if I would make it through, but I did and I’m still here and I’m so grateful that I am.

The teen years are tough for everyone. It’s a time where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. Unfortunately, when you mix that with everyone else’s emotions and feelings, it becomes a mess. When I was in seventh and eighth grades, I experienced an extreme amount of bullying and torment from my classmates. It was everyday and as I didn’t grow up with great communication in my home, I didn’t know how to talk about it and I kept most of it inside. I felt very trapped and very, very lonely. I definitely became a “victim” and I had that total mentality. It took a toll on my self-esteem that has lasted my whole life (I’m working on it, but its still hard to get past and I still struggle with it).

In seventh grade, I got a perm and my hair was big and curly and it was a mess and I think that is why I became known as “the rat” to my classmates. I come from a very small town where there was no middle school/jr. high and so our high school hosted 7th-12th grades. Coming into a new school is never easy, but when you come into the school and your first week you are made fun of not only by students of your own age, but all ages, including the seniors at the school, it is very devastating to your confidence and self-esteem. It felt like I could never have any relief at all, from school and extra-curricular activities, I was tormented constantly. I would go home and just go into my room and shut the door and cry. I didn’t talk to anyone for the longest time. I shut myself off from the world. I would do my homework and go to church and church activities and if I was at home, I was in my room reading and getting lost in someone else’s problems rather than my own. I know that I became more and more depressed everyday. I don’t know the date or even an approximate time but somewhere in that time period, I started thinking of killing myself. I just wanted some kind of relief and I began to think that since no one would even be sad that I was gone, that maybe it was the right thing to do. I’m sure that I was really oblivious to people who reached out to me at this time but I had completely shut myself off. I know that I had people who loved me – friends and family and I’m sure some of them knew what was going on, but I didn’t talk about it, so I’m not sure who actually knew. I’m pretty sure that my own parents had no idea. I do know that some people who I thought were my friends, were a part of the bullying (or at least didn’t stop it). But there were a couple of friends (my lifelong friends) that I’m sure were there the whole time, but for a long time I didn’t share my burden.

Anyways, I remember a particular night, where I was home alone (I actually have no idea where my family was) and I began thinking about suicide. It was definitely my all time low moment. I didn’t really even know what I was going to do, but I remember feeling like it was time. And then the phone rang and it was good friend, Beverly. I don’t remember what she said or anything, but I remember leaving the house and going to her home. I remember sitting outside on her driveway and just basically exploding on her, everything that I had been feeling and just everything came out. We cried and I remember just feelings so blessed that Bev just listened and hugged me and cried WITH ME. Things were so much better after that. She stood up for me lots of times and it was just so nice to be able to just talk to her about how I was feeling. The bullying didn’t stop and it was still difficult everyday, but just knowing that I had someone to talk to, helped me get past the suicidal thoughts, I didn’t think about that at all anymore. That was definitely a turning point for me. I still struggled, but a little self-worth came back to me that night – enough to get me through.

It is still so hard for me to get away from playing “the victim” and having self-confidence in my life, but I do feel like I am getting closer as I work towards healing myself. A lot of this time period, is such a blur to me – I remember some moments, but there was a lot that I have completely blocked out. But I do remember how it felt and I hope my children never have to feel that way. I know that I have been able to talk about this experience with my kids when they were struggling and it just is such a blessing to have someone care about you. I hope that we can all look out for people who could use a friend, because it truly means everything to someone who is in need of that – actually, it is everything to everyone, because we all need friends in our lives.

 

This prompt could mean many things, it wouldn’t have to be suicide, just times of struggle. So I hope you will take a moment today to stop and reflect and share your experience in your journal. You never know when someone in your family might need your strength and guidance through the experiences that you have.


I have a journal card for you today. I want you to just write about a time in your life when you struggled, you didn’t know if you would make it, but you won! You are here and you did make it through it – how amazing is that!

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Journal prompts, Journal CardZ, and other ideas
to help you tell YOUR story and discover your family history!

Tuesdays

Filed Under: Blog Series, Family Tree TuesdayZ, Personal Tagged With: experience, family, family tree, journal, journal prompt, life, memories, memory, prompt, story, struggle, struggles, time

Wednesday SayingZ | Capture Memory

{ This week’s quote }
A photograph captures a memory in the raw.
– Carrie Late –



Wednesday SayingZI am a collector of quotes/sayings/titles and I am excited to share them with you each Wednesday. I hope they will inspire you and make your day a little better! I am also creating pieces of wordart with these quotes and will be offering them to you as a freebie! Feel free to use them in your scrapbooks or just print them out for wall decor!

Filed Under: Wednesday WordZ Tagged With: carrie late, memory, photograph, quote

2012 | Weekend with Mallory

malloryjjThe last week in April, I got a call from my brother.  He had decided to take his wife on a fun little train trip for their anniversary, but they needed someone to take care of little Mallory. Of course, I was delighted to do it for them.  A few days later, Cody and Becki and Mallory spent the night at our house and then in the wee hours the next morning, they left on their adventure.

Having a 2-year-old around the house was an adventure as well, but one that I enjoyed so much. It made me miss having a toddler pretty bad. I enjoyed getting to know Mallory more and we had a great time. 

After getting the kids off to school Friday morning, Mallory and I had the house to ourselves. We watched a bit of tv, ate some breakfast, and ran some errands. And of course we had to hit the park for a little while. Mallory adores swinging on the swings at the park!  We did a little grocery shopping and visited Uncle Joey at work for a bit.  We had lunch and then I got to sing to Mal and we both had a bit of a nap before my kids got home from school.  JJ adores his cousin and he loved coming home and getting to play with her. I swear he is the only one who can make her laugh so hard. I always love to see the special relationship that Mallory has with JJ. We ended up going to the little park in our trailer community for some playing too.  Then of course we had to watch “Meet the Robinsons, ” which I’m pretty sure is Mal’s favorite movie. It was darling to see her giggle and enjoy it. We had Chili for dinner which Mal just gobbled right down.  After getting my kids to bed, it was a bit of an adventure trying to get Mallory to go to sleep.  She was missing her parents pretty bad. I sang to her and we watched part of Meet the Robinsons yet again. We hit a snag, where she kept asking me to sing, “the dog song.” I couldn’t figure it out, so I ended up calling Becki, where I was informed that she was saying “duck” not “dog.” So once we solved that mystery…we sang “5 Little Ducks went out to play” and she calmed right down. I thought she would sleep with me, but for some reason she really didn’t want to sleep in my room, so she ended up sleeping on the air mattress. Once she got to sleep, she slept all night.

On Saturday, we went to the park again and Mallory loved swinging. We came home and had Mac & Cheese for lunch. We played and played and played.  The kids loved playing outside with Mal.  We also finally got Mallory to take a little nap before her Aunt Ashley came over to take her for a little while. I spent some time with my own kids and we had dinner and cleaned up before Mallory came back to us.  After getting my kids showered and off to bed, it was some special one-on-one time for Mallory and I (Joey had gone to a movie with a friend.). This was probably my favorite couple of hours that I had with Mallory the whole weekend. We watched some tv, sang some songs, and I finally felt like we really connected. We started actually having a conversation and giggling and snuggling. She would not go to sleep, but I was enjoying her too much to really make it happen. I was kind of sorry to hear the knock on the door and see Cody and Becki arrive back. I had been having so much fun with my niece. But Mallory was so glad to see her parents and she just wouldn’t let go of them.  It was fun to visit with Cody and Becki for awhile. Joey came home soon after they did, and we all stayed up and talked for awhile, before all heading to bed.

It was such a fun weekend with Mallory!

Filed Under: Life 2012, Personal, Project Life Tagged With: 2012, cousin, kids, mallory, memories, memory, niece, weekend

Wednesday SayingZ | Death & Love

{ This week’s quote }
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
– from a headstone in Ireland –



Wednesday SayingZI am a collector of quotes/sayings/titles and I am excited to share them with you each Wednesday. I hope they will inspire you and make your day a little better! I am also creating pieces of wordart with these quotes and will be offering them to you as a freebie! Feel free to use them in your scrapbooks or just print them out for wall decor!

Filed Under: Wednesday WordZ Tagged With: death, headstone, heartache, love, memory, quote, steal

Family History TuesdayZ | First Memory

Journal Prompt: Describe the first memory that you can think of and share it with as much detail as you can.

Journal Prompt: Describe the first memory that you can think of and share it with as much detail as you can.Journal Prompt: Describe the first memory that you can think of and share it with as much detail as you can.



Family History TuesdayZEach Tuesday, I am going to be offering prompts or ideas. If you don’t write in your journal regularly – I am going to encourage you to write just ONCE A WEEK and answer the question/idea that I give on Tuesdays. These ideas hopefully will spark a memory and you will be able to capture that in what you write/record so that it can be left for your children/grandchildren/family/friends. Give as much detail as you can when answering.

Will you do this for me? Will you do this for your families? You can write it down in a journal, you can type it up on a computer or journaling software, you can take a recorder and talk, you can videotape your answers, you can even scrap a page with the journaling. It doesn’t matter how you do this – it’s just important that you do it. The memories, the dates, the information is the only real thing we can leave to our families when we are gone.

Filed Under: Family Tree TuesdayZ Tagged With: first, journal, memory, prompt

Family History TuesdayZ | Memory

Journal Prompt: Pick a memory - any story at all and share it in detail.

Journal Prompt: Pick a memory – any story at all and share it in detail.Journal Prompt: Pick a memory - any story at all and share it in detail.



Family History TuesdayZEach Tuesday, I am going to be offering prompts or ideas. If you don’t write in your journal regularly – I am going to encourage you to write just ONCE A WEEK and answer the question/idea that I give on Tuesdays. These ideas hopefully will spark a memory and you will be able to capture that in what you write/record so that it can be left for your children/grandchildren/family/friends. Give as much detail as you can when answering.

Will you do this for me? Will you do this for your families? You can write it down in a journal, you can type it up on a computer or journaling software, you can take a recorder and talk, you can videotape your answers, you can even scrap a page with the journaling. It doesn’t matter how you do this – it’s just important that you do it. The memories, the dates, the information is the only real thing we can leave to our families when we are gone.

Filed Under: Family Tree TuesdayZ Tagged With: journal, life, memory, prompt, story

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I'm a wife, a mom, a blogger, a lover of crafting, and a graphic designer. I believe in living life to the fullest, sharing your heart and talents to enrich the lives of others, and then telling your story to leave as a legacy for those that come after you.



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Recipe ThursdayZ | Chickey Pasta

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DeDe Smith

I am DeDe Smith of DesignZ by DeDe and I’m the proud creator of the TearZ, ScatterZ, and many more collections! I am a Digital Scrapbook Designer. I specialize on creating digital kits that help customers scrapbook the special moments in their lives. I hope that you can use my products to share your story[Read More…]

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I am so thankful that I started writing some of my memories down about this trip on the blog, because I think there is a lot I could have missed! I’m so thankful to not forget these stories! I didn’t write everything down, so from now on this album might not be as detailed, but[Read More…]

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